Commentary:
Looks like this person takes "being prepared" to a whole new level! 😂💅 Who knew pedicure decisions could impact bedroom fashion? Just imagine the dedication and commitment involved! #FashionAndFunction #ToesOnPoint
112 Funny sex quotes
I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.
Commentary:
Well, that's like reading the last page of a book first! 📚🍿 Starting off with sex without the backstory is like showing up to a party fashionably late but missing all the juicy gossip! 😆 #JustGiveUsThePlotTwist
I have the sex drive of a potato.
Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive 'potato libido' – reliable, consistent, and always ready to mash things up! 🥔💥 Who needs passion when you can have starch-filled satisfaction? Keep on being your spudtacular self!" 🤣🥔🚀
People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?
Commentary:
"Ah, the infamous self-proclaimed sex gods! 🙄 Maybe they're hoping for a standing ovation? Or perhaps a trophy for 'Most Creative Use of Ego'? 🏆 Let's just hope they're as skilled in reality as they are in their imagination! 😂"
Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.
Commentary:
"Looks like the struggle is real even before the day begins! 🤣😴 Keep groaning, champ, you'll make it out eventually! 💪😉"
I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.
Commentary:
"Having three kids is like playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly – you've already built hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, so rolling the dice again might just bankrupt you!"
It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!
Commentary:
"Apparently, birds have been mastering the art of seduction long before humans – who knew their chirping was just a clever ploy all along! Now I’m imagining a bird composing a catchy tune with lyrics like, 'Wanna perch on my branch tonight? Tweet me back, baby!' Ah, the avian version of a love song – nature truly is full of surprises!"
I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.
Commentary:
🎨 "Who knew hanging paintings could be so scandalous? Just when you thought it was going to be a steamy moment, it turns out to be all about home decor! Talk about a plot twist! 🖼️😅"
It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.
Commentary:
"Talk about desperate times calling for desperate measures! 😂🏃♂️🩴 Hopefully next time there's a different kind of 'exercise' involved!"
Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.
Commentary:
"Sex is cool and all, but have you ever experienced the bliss of starfishing in bed without a care in the world? 🌟😴 Who needs a cuddle buddy when you've got the entire bed for your own personal sprawling adventures? 😂 #BedHogLife"