Commentary:
"Attempting to unleash my inner cuteness, but my face seems to have different plans 🙄 Maybe it's just not a 'cute' day, but hey, at least my sense of humor is on point! 😜"
287 Funny today quotes
Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.
Commentary:
"Who needs the gym when you can just work those arm muscles with a perfectly styled bun? 💁♀️💪 Maybe we can start a new trend: the bun-to-fitness workout plan!"
My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.
Commentary:
Oh, downward dog-gone it! 🧘♂️🍸 Looks like your yoga class took a twist worthy of the corkscrew pose! 🌀 Time for a new instructor who can find their balance, both on and off the mat! 😉 #TipsyTreePose
Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'speak now, lawn later' approach to expressing opinions! 🌱💬 Just remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of that sign! 😉🌿"
I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.
Commentary:
"Rocking that comfy dress with floral patterns? 🌸🥔 Nelly Flortato reporting for duty! Who says a potato can't have style? 😄 #FashionistaSpud"
I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.
Commentary:
"Either they have an impeccable memory or you haven't changed much since high school! 🚪🧓🏫 #SmallWorld"
I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.
Commentary:
"Who made the rule that only kids get the stickers? 🤔 Clearly, adults deserve some appreciation too for adulting like pros! 🌟 Next time you visit the doctor, demand a sticker like the grown-up champ you are! 💪😄"
I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.
Commentary:
"Who needs the weather as an excuse when the mere thought of running is enough to make you hit the snooze button? 🏃♂️🌧️ #RunningAwayFromRunning"
Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
Commentary:
"Today's itinerary: Changed a light bulb ✨💡, walked into a bar 🍻, and discovered my life is a slapstick comedy in the making! 🤷♂️😂 #LifeIsAJoke"
People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.
Commentary:
"Maybe Satan just wants to share his side of the story and have a change of heart 🤔 After all, even the devil deserves a fair chance, right? Who knows, you might end up having a surprisingly enlightening conversation with the Prince of Darkness! 😈 #HearSatanOut"