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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Spotted on Threads:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Seen just now on YouTube:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Funny treat yourself quotes

Funny treat yourself quotes are the perfect way to add a splash of humor to your self-care routine 🍩✨ Whether you’re indulging in snacks, spa days, or just some well-deserved chill time, these witty reminders make pampering feel even sweeter 😄💅 Get ready to laugh, relax, and celebrate YOU with some seriously funny vibes! 🎉💖

New funny treat yourself quotes 👇

All funny treat yourself quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

96 shares on Facebook this month:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the ick in fantastic.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Shared recently on Twitch:

When I feel stupid, I like to remind myself that I got my bachelor’s degree without ChatGPT.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Just shared via Instagram:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Shared recently on Threads:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Making waves on Pinterest:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Trending via WeChat:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

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