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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,283

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Just landed via X:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Freshly posted on X:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Just shared via WeChat:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Spotted on Messenger:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Just shared via Instagram:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Funny Windows 95 quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

61 shares on Slack this month:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

27 shares on X this month:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop dating if you have no car.

95 shares on Discord this month:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,587

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Shared recently on Slack:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Breaking via Slack:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Live now on Snapchat:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Seen just now on YouTube:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Spotted on Messenger:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Just shared via Discord:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

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