Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,398

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Trending via Messenger:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Live now on LinkedIn:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Seen just now on WeChat:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Going bananas on Facebook:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic 'air with a side of chips' combo! 🍟💨 #InnovativePackaging"

air, bag, chip, chips, company, enough, humor, i, joke, kind, little, parody, playful, potato, potato chip, put, satire, snack, snack humor, today, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

0

3 days ago

again, article, bored, clean, cleanliness, clothing, enough, floor, germ, humor, joke, laundry, leave, left, procrastination
When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

0

2 months ago

cleverness, critic, de, food, humor, i, nom, nom de plume, plume, pun, restaurant, under, writing
I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

0

5 months ago

excuse, gardening, helping, humor, i, joke, lie, me, plant, plants, relationship, repot, sex
Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

0

2 months ago

cooky, humor, internet, me, performance, relatable, same, self-deprecation, snack, technology, website
How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

0

2 months ago

bad, choice, consequences, decision, future, humor, nobody, shows, stop, time, time travel, travel
There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

0

2 months ago

dating, first month, good, humor, love, man, month, months, nothing, person, personality, pretending, relationship, romance, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Messenger this month:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

17 shares on Slack this month:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

81 shares on Slack this month:

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

47 shares on X this month:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

84 shares on Discord this month:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

33 shares on X this month:

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Going viral on YouTube:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Spotted on YouTube:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Just landed via Instagram:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Just shared via Twitch:

I really don’t believe all of these women are actually named “Sassy”

Going viral on Instagram:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Live now on X:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Trending via WhatsApp:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Spotted on WeChat:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨