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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Spotted on Facebook:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Spotted on YouTube:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Shared recently on Threads:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Just landed via WeChat:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time flies when you're busy doing absolutely nothing! 😂⏰🛋️

ask, buddy, day, five, frustration, hate, humor, i, know, laziness, listen, me, noon, okay, people, procrastination, time, today, waking, waking up, woke

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

0

2 months ago

apple, date, dating, doctor, eat, health, humor, joke, just, nice, pun, relationship, seeing, stop, thing
Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

0

2 weeks ago

Elon, Elon Musk, ever, exactly, humor, internet, internet humor, life, media, musk, read, social, social media, stupid, tweet
Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

0

22 hours ago

Alexa, assistant, forgetfulness, humor, i, me, memory, remind, reminder, room, smart, smart assistant, why
I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

0

5 months ago

application, applying, candidate, competition, frustration, humor, i, interview, job, jobs, keeps, meet, taking
I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

0

2 months ago

behavior, breakfast, humor, hunger, i, know, mood, morning
Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

0

2 months ago

desk, fitness, humor, i, joke, labor, manual, manual labor, productivity, resume, standing, standing desk, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

59 shares on Discord this month:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

61 shares on Threads this month:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

20 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Trending via Facebook:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Seen just now on X:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Spotted on Messenger:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨