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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,692

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Trending via Discord:

Netflix & by yourself.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Going viral on Telegram:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Making waves on Reddit:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Just shared via Threads:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about flies; playful text imagining flies understanding humans with a humorous threat.

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Commentary:
If flies could speak English, I'd finally have someone new to ignore my ultimatums 😂🪰💬

am, communication, English, fly, going, hard, humor, i, insect, kill, language, leave, right, say, threat, wish

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34 shares on Threads this month:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Just landed via WeChat:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Just shared via Telegram:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Live now on Reddit:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Going viral on TikTok:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

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Activity Log ✨

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Keep the laugh going 😂

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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