Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,869

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Going bananas on Instagram:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Happiness is an inside job.

Breaking via X:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Freshly posted on X:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Breaking via Threads:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Live now on Twitch:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just making sure my vocabulary game isn't all smoke and mirrors! 📚🤓😂"

bit, confidence, conversation, definition, ever, humor, i, just, looking, middle, phone, reading, text, texting, too, used, word

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

0

3 months ago

animal, desert, end, horse, humor, joke, name, naming, through, travel
Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, bead, bead curtain, broken, broken leg, curtain, getting, horse, humor, leg, me, put, sex, sex shop, shop, situation, tangled
I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

0

2 months ago

health, humor, i, joke, mental, mental health, patient, potential, psychology, self-deprecation, study, wanted
I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

0

2 months ago

determination, encouragement, exercise, fitness, hell, humor, hurts, i, just, know, motivation, push-up, think, workout
Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

0

2 months ago

commitment, expectations, humor, keep, never, planning, procrastination, promise, rescheduling
I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

0

2 months ago

humor, i, identify, identity, jackson, joke, michael, Michael Jackson, pronoun, pronouns, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

57 shares on X this month:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

43 shares on YouTube this month:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Just landed via Facebook:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Making waves on Threads:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Going viral on Discord:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Making waves on Reddit:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Live now on TikTok:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Just landed via Telegram:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨