Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

January is the Monday of the year.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Freshly posted on X:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Live now on TikTok:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about using phone to look up words during conversations, playful and humorous tone.

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Commentary:
"Just making sure my vocabulary game isn't all smoke and mirrors! 📚🤓😂"

bit, confidence, conversation, definition, ever, humor, i, just, looking, middle, phone, reading, text, texting, too, used, word

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

98 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

61 shares on X this month:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Going viral on Facebook:

My favorite color is money.

Going bananas on Slack:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Making waves on X:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

Going bananas on X:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨