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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,526

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Cool times create cool guys.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Shared recently on Discord:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Breaking via Discord:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Just landed via TikTok:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Just landed via WeChat:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Going bananas on Telegram:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Funny warning quote about ignoring safety advice with a playful, reckless vibe.

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Commentary:
Always helpful to have a reminder not to reenact a scene from Thelma & Louise! 🚗💨🤣

cause, cliff, comedy, drive, driving, grateful, gratitude, humor, i, irony, me, people, reckless, remember, safe, safety, sarcasm, tell

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

56 shares on X this month:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

56 shares on Slack this month:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Going viral on Facebook:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Going viral on Facebook:

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Going viral on TikTok:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Just shared via Slack:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Trending via WeChat:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Trending via Twitch:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Trending via Messenger:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

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Activity Log ✨

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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