Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Live now on YouTube:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Just landed via Telegram:

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

Going bananas on Telegram:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Trending via Instagram:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Seen just now on Discord:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Trending via Pinterest:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about favoritism, highlighting a witty mom's humorous take on cleaning demands.

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Commentary:
That neighbor girl deserves an award in motivational parenting! 🏆😂👍

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Facebook this month:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

68 shares on X this month:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Many of you need to put “lighten up” on your resolutions list.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Making waves on TikTok:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Just landed via Discord:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Trending via WhatsApp:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Going bananas on WeChat:

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Trending via Facebook:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨