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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Just shared via X:

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

Just landed via Slack:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Just shared via Twitch:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about favoritism, highlighting a witty mom's humorous take on cleaning demands.

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Commentary:
That neighbor girl deserves an award in motivational parenting! 🏆😂👍

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Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Discord this month:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Self-care is smoking a solo blunt with music.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Just landed via WeChat:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Just shared via Reddit:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Making waves on YouTube:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Breaking via Telegram:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Going viral on X:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Trending via Messenger:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Just landed via Twitch:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

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Activity Log ✨

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Keep the laugh going 😂

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨