Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,877

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Just landed via X:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Going viral on Reddit:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Making waves on Reddit:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Trending via YouTube:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Making waves on Instagram:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Shared recently on Discord:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Trending via TikTok:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just doing my civic duty as a professional 'not-my-fault' driver! 🚗💨⬇️ #BlameTheSnail"

blame, car, car joke, driving, fault, humor, i, joke, little, me, patience, people, rage, right, road, road humor, road rage, sarcastic, slow, traffic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

0

2 months ago

clothes, humor, i, mood, new, okay, retail, retail therapy, sad, self-care, shopping, therapy
When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

0

2 months ago

again, door, humor, just, life, logic, open, optimism, perspective, problem-solving, work
Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

0

2 months ago

adulting, financial, fun, funds, humor, joke, life, money, only, responsibility
When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

0

2 months ago

assumption, cheese, enriching, food, found, humor, i, life, lifestyle, people, talk
I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

0

2 months ago

distraction, doing, doing well, email, humor, me, productivity, unexpected, well
Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

0

2 months ago

application, ask, company, confusion, employment, humor, irony, job, online, open, open position, position, positions, post, recruitment

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Messenger this month:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

42 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

69 shares on Twitch this month:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

71 shares on Threads this month:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Just shared via X:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Live now on Threads:

Life begins when you can afford it.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Going viral on Threads:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I need a break from me.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Going viral on Instagram:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨