When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

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Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

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The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

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I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

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I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

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A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

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I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

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A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

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The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

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I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

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“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.