Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Stop dating if you have no car.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,706

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Going viral on TikTok:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Making waves on YouTube:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

1 month ago

Playful quote about wishing for endless, carefree sleep like a relaxed cat.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Cat goals: sleep all day, zero alarms, only purrs and naps 😸🛌💤

animal, animal behavior, baby, behavior, cat, crying, every, hours, humor, i, nap, regret, regrets, responsibility, say, sleep, tiredness, wake, want, why, zero

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

59 shares on Discord this month:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

22 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

40 shares on Threads this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

My greatest flaw is that I will try any specialty lemonade. 90% of them are nearly undrinkable, but I persevere.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The government even made aliens boring.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Going bananas on Slack:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Live now on Discord:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Shared recently on Slack:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨