You should be able to call in sad to work.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

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I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

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Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

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I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

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I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

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Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.