Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,237

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Just landed via X:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Broadcasted on X:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Shared recently on Telegram:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Live now on Snapchat:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Just landed via Reddit:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Making waves on Instagram:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Spotted on X:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Taking 'sliding into DMs' to a whole new level of sophistication! 😂📬 #DMKing"

communication, DM, DMs, dominance, finds, hope, humor, i, interaction, message, online, private, sarcasm, social, social interaction, starting, texting, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

0

2 months ago

happiness, humor, Monday, mood, personal, sarcasm, struggle, vendetta, work
I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

0

2 months ago

antidepressant, dark, glow, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, online, online shopping, shopping, Temu
My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

0

2 months ago

chore, dishwasher, domestic, domestic life, household, household chore, humor, irony, just, life, me, media, OnlyFans, social, social media
People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

0

2 months ago

comedy, deserve, found, grammar, guilty, humor, law, people, punctuation, sentence, writing
I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

0

2 months ago

communication, corporate, frustration, humor, i, meant, microsoft, software, Teams, technology, work
Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

0

2 months ago

am, counter, dancing, happy, humming, humor, i, little, meds, nutcase, pill, pill counter, routine, self-care, weekly, weekly routine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on X this month:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Trending via Instagram:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Breaking via X:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Trending via Snapchat:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨