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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,328

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Just shared via TikTok:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Just shared via Messenger:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Just shared via Discord:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Live now on Telegram:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Just landed via Threads:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Funny attract quotes

Funny attract quotes are the perfect way to charm and chuckle your way into someone’s heart 😄💫 Whether you’re looking to break the ice or just sprinkle some humor into your day, these witty lines bring smiles and good vibes every time 😂💖 Get ready to boost your charm with a dash of laughter and lighthearted fun! 🎉✨

New funny attract quotes 👇

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

0

2 months ago

always, attract, attraction, bright, bugs, confidence, dating, everyone, humor, light, personality, quality, types, women

Someone from 🇫🇮 has recently shared this quote.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month.
People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

0

2 months ago

annoying, attract, attraction, capacity, deranged, double, humor, i, opposites, partner, people, relationships, same, say

Someone from 🇱🇦 has recently copied this quote.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month.
I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

0

2 months ago

advice, attract, crush, dating, ever, humor, i, me, psychopath, relationship, self-awareness, therapist

Someone from 🇭🇹 has recently shared this quote.

52 shares on Reddit this month.
Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

0

2 months ago

attract, attraction, humor, opposites, relationship, undress

Someone from 🇹🇭 has recently bookmarked this quote.

107 shares on Threads this month.

All funny attract quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

46 shares on X this month:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

79 shares on Discord this month:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Running from your problems is cardio.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,259

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Scientists just confirmed that our dreams were real in another reality.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Seen just now on Discord:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Spotted on Messenger:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Spotted on WeChat:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Seen just now on Slack:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Breaking via X:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

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