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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Just shared via YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Seen just now on Threads:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Seen just now on YouTube:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Seen just now on Discord:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Trending via Instagram:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Funny captain quotes

Funny captain quotes bring a wave of laughter to the high seas and everyday life alike ⚓😂 Whether steering a ship or managing a team, these witty lines show that even captains know how to keep things light and fun 🌊🎉 Ready to sail into a sea of smiles and clever quips? Grab your captain’s hat and get ready for some hilarious vibes! 🚢🤣

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All funny captain quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Reddit this month:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

45 shares on X this month:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

26 shares on Threads this month:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

58 shares on Discord this month:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Live now on WeChat:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Just shared via Slack:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Spotted on X:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Trending via Pinterest:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Spotted on X:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Spotted on Discord:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

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