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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

56 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,325

Funny Quotes Topics

17,444

Funny Quotes Images

15,325

Jan 2, 2026

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

Trending via Telegram:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Trending via Pinterest:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Trending via TikTok:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Going bananas on Threads:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Spotted on WeChat:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Spotted on Discord:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Funny citizen quotes

Funny citizen quotes bring a splash of humor to everyday life 🌟🤣 Whether poking fun at politics, community quirks, or daily routines, these witty gems keep us smiling 😄🏙️ Ready for a laugh that feels just like chatting with your funniest neighbor? Let’s dive into some hilarious takes on being a proud citizen! 🎉🗳️

New funny citizen quotes 👇

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

0

2 months ago

age, age contrast, aging, back, citizen, contrast, heart, humor, kid, knees, self-deprecating, senior, youth
Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

0

2 months ago

age, citizen, draft, eligibility, every, humor, military, over, postal, Postal Service, satire, service, should
I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

0

3 months ago

90s, 90s hip hop, citizen, folks, generation, heavy, heavy metal, hip, home, homes, hop, humor, i, kind, metal, music, nostalgia, old, old folks’ home, rap, senior, senior citizen, wait

All funny citizen quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

51 shares on X this month:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

91 shares on Threads this month:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

56 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,325

Funny Quotes Topics

17,444

Funny Quotes Images

15,325

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,654

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

Live now on Instagram:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Going viral on YouTube:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Spotted on Telegram:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

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