Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Breaking via WeChat:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Trending via Reddit:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Going viral on X:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Trending via Twitch:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Making waves on Instagram:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Funny fixing quotes

Funny fixing quotes are the perfect mix of laughs and life lessons 🔧😂 Whether you’re a DIY pro or a total rookie, these witty words turn every repair mishap into a comedy show 🎭💥 Get ready to smile through the grease and embrace the chaos of fixing things with a lighthearted twist! 😄🛠️

New funny fixing quotes 👇

All funny fixing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

58 shares on Discord this month:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

55 shares on X this month:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am not someone you have to host if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

25 folks are currently checking 👀

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,303

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Seen just now on YouTube:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Just landed via WeChat:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Making waves on Facebook:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Just shared via Pinterest:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Spotted on X:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Trending via WeChat:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

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