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2 days ago
Share →: The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

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Ah yes, the elusive flat stomach—a relic of the past, like dial-up internet and my social life on weekends! 🍕😂📉

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

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Just shared via TikTok:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Just landed via Threads:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Making waves on YouTube:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Going viral on Instagram:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Spotted on Twitch:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Making waves on Telegram:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

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Funny flat stomach quotes

New funny flat stomach quotes 👇

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Foolproof? Yeah, well we’ll see about that.

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

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