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Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has copied:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has shared:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has copied:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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798 added this month

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10,960

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13,930

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Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Twitch:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Spotted on TikTok:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: β€œCome on in.”

Broadcasted on Twitch:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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798 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,960

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,960

Updated

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has downloaded:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has shared:

β€œWell, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has copied:

Forced to say β€œit’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

Just overheard someone describe their hike as β€œit was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has shared:

Autocorrect changed β€˜are you around?’ to β€˜are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has downloaded:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on Slack:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Just shared via Reddit:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Live now on WeChat:

You’re not lazy, you’re just buffering in HD.

Spotted on Discord:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Seen just now on Discord:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Trending via YouTube:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Trending via Slack:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Reported on Slack:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

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