Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Jan 11, 2026

3,398

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Spotted on Twitch:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Just shared via Slack:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Just shared via TikTok:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Just landed via Messenger:

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

Shared recently on Slack:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Just landed via Discord:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Just shared via Telegram:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Funny home security quotes

Funny home security quotes bring laughter to the serious world of protecting your castle 🏰😂 Whether you’re guarding your snacks or your secret stash, these witty lines add a playful twist to safety 🔒😎 Ready to chuckle while staying secure? Let’s dive into some humor that proves home security doesn’t have to be all business! 🎉🛡️

New funny home security quotes 👇

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

2 months ago

alert, camera, check, curiosity, door, door camera, funny habit, habit, home, home security, just, me, outside, security, stepping, stepping outside, temperature, temperature check, warm, weather, weather curiosity
Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

2 months ago

camera, freak, freak out, front, funny parenting, home, home security, kids, parenting, ring, Ring camera, security, surveillance, yell
My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

2 months ago

door, front, front door, home, home security, humor, joke, just, money, paycheck, security, system

All funny home security quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

27 shares on Facebook this month:

You only live once and thank God for that.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

11 shares on Slack this month:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,403

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Sane is boring.

Spotted on Slack:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Just shared via Reddit:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Shared recently on Slack:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴