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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Shared recently on Twitch:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Broadcasted on Threads:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Making waves on Threads:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Making waves on Telegram:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Making waves on Facebook:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Just shared via Threads:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Spotted on Instagram:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Breaking via Twitch:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Trending via Telegram:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Funny home security quotes

Funny home security quotes bring laughter to the serious world of protecting your castle 🏰😂 Whether you’re guarding your snacks or your secret stash, these witty lines add a playful twist to safety 🔒😎 Ready to chuckle while staying secure? Let’s dive into some humor that proves home security doesn’t have to be all business! 🎉🛡️

New funny home security quotes 👇

All funny home security quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Facebook this month:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Half princess, half menace.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

78 shares on Discord this month:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,399

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Going bananas on Discord:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Just landed via X:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Trending via Slack:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Going viral on Slack:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

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