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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

829 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,991

Funny Quotes Topics

13,935

Funny Quotes Images

10,991

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Shared recently on X:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Just shared via Twitch:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Just shared via Facebook:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Going viral on Reddit:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

829 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,991

Funny Quotes Topics

13,935

Funny Quotes Images

10,991

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Discord:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Spotted on Instagram:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Going viral on Instagram:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

Just landed via Instagram:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Just landed via Slack:

If the universe is continuing to expand then why does my rent keep going up?

Just landed via X:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Spotted on YouTube:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

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