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Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

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Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

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Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

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Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

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No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

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Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

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I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

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I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

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I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

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Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

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I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

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I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

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When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

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They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

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Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

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I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

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Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

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I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Home » Funny Italian Quotes » Page 2

11 Funny italian quotes

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6 months ago
Share →: There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Commentary:
Well, talk about drastic dinner decisions! 🍲😱 Italian expressions sure know how to keep meals interesting – nothing like a soup ultimatum to add some spice to your dining experience! Bon appétit or fly high, your choice! 🪂😄

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I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

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Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

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Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

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I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

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Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

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I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

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Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

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I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

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The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

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Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

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Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

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The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

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Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

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My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

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They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

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So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

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The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

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More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

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I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

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The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

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11 Funny italian quotes

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I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

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“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

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I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I’ve sacrificed a sheep.

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I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

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