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6 months ago
Share →: We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

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"Life's full of endless possibilities, as long as you can outsmart the bureaucracy! 🤔🏛️💡"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

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I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

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When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

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Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

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After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

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If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

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If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

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Just landed via Reddit:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

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Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Seen just now on X:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Seen just now on X:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Going viral on Facebook:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

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Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

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You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

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Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

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If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

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I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

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When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

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