253 funny man quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Mar 31, 2026

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Mar 31, 2026

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Mar 31, 2026

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Mar 31, 2026

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Mar 31, 2026

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Mar 31, 2026

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Mar 31, 2026

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Mar 31, 2026

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Mar 31, 2026

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Mar 30, 2026

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Mar 30, 2026

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Mar 30, 2026

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Mar 30, 2026

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Mar 30, 2026

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Mar 30, 2026

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Mar 30, 2026

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Mar 30, 2026

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Mar 30, 2026

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Mar 30, 2026

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Mar 30, 2026

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Mar 30, 2026

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Mar 30, 2026

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Mar 30, 2026

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Mar 30, 2026

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Mar 30, 2026

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Mar 30, 2026

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Mar 29, 2026

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

Mar 29, 2026

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Mar 29, 2026

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Mar 29, 2026

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Mar 29, 2026

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Mar 29, 2026

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Mar 29, 2026

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Mar 29, 2026

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Mar 29, 2026

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Mar 29, 2026

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Mar 29, 2026

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Mar 29, 2026

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Mar 29, 2026

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Mar 29, 2026