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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,577

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Seen just now on Messenger:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Making waves on WeChat:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Trending via TikTok:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Trending via Threads:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Just landed via WeChat:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Just shared via Slack:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Seen just now on Messenger:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Funny nothingness quotes

Funny nothingness quotes bring a hilarious twist to the idea of emptiness and void 🌌😂. They turn deep, mysterious silence into a playground of wit and laughs 🤯🤣. Perfect for those moments when you want to laugh at the absurdity of… well, nothing! Ready to dive into the comedy of the cosmos? Let’s embrace the void with a big smile and a chuckle or two! 🌟😜

New funny nothingness quotes 👇

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

2 weeks ago

amazement, discover, existentialism, found, humor, introspection, irony, nothing, nothingness, people, realization, self-discovery
Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

2 weeks ago

absurdity, cake, existential, food, humor, i, imagine, know, nothingness, rice, rice cake, still, taste, thanks
Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

2 weeks ago

humor, laziness, management, nothingness, procrastination, schedule, squeeze, time, time management, today, trying

All funny nothingness quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

30 shares on X this month:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

70 shares on Threads this month:

I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realize you had a meme to back you up.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

38 shares on Slack this month:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Making waves on Threads:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Spotted on TikTok:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Just landed via WeChat:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Going viral on Messenger:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Just landed via X:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Going viral on Slack:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

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