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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Wishing I could hit snooze on life’s alarm clock!

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Pizza should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,468

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Trending via WeChat:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Live now on WeChat:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Trending via Reddit:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

Trending via Instagram:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Just shared via Instagram:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

32 Funny phone call quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

42 shares on YouTube this month:

This whole week could have been an email.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

98 shares on Threads this month:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

33 shares on Threads this month:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,582

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Spotted on Threads:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Shared recently on Threads:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Trending via Discord:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Live now on Slack:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Just shared via X:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

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