Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Seen just now on WeChat:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Just landed via Threads:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Funny procrastinator quotes

Funny procrastinator quotes 😂 are the perfect way to laugh at our own delay tactics and endless excuses ⏳. Whether you’re dodging work, chores, or just life’s to-do list, these witty lines will make putting things off feel a little more relatable—and a lot more fun! 🎉 So sit back, relax, and embrace the art of procrastination with a smile 😎.

New funny procrastinator quotes 👇

All funny procrastinator quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

15 shares on X this month:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Spotted on Threads:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

Making waves on Pinterest:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Live now on Discord:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

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