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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Seen just now on Slack:

Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

Spotted on Slack:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Reported on Facebook:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Just landed via Threads:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

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Funny Shrek quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

No more relationships for me; the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Spotted on Slack:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Seen just now on Slack:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Reported on YouTube:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Trending via X:

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Spotted on Slack:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

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