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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Shared recently on X:

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Spotted on Instagram:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Going viral on Messenger:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Shared recently on Slack:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Going viral on TikTok:

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Funny time spent quotes

Funny time spent quotes 😂⌛ are the perfect way to celebrate those moments that make us laugh until our cheeks hurt! Whether it’s hanging out with friends, procrastinating like a pro, or just embracing the silly side of life, these witty sayings capture the joy in everyday fun. Ready to add some chuckles to your day? Let’s dive into the funniest takes on how we all love spending time—sometimes wisely, often hilariously! 🎉⏳🤣

New funny time spent quotes 👇

All funny time spent quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on X this month:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

21 shares on Discord this month:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

36 shares on Discord this month:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Spotted on Reddit:

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Live now on Instagram:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Just landed via Facebook:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Just shared via WeChat:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Breaking via Telegram:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Going viral on Instagram:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Shared recently on Facebook:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

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