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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Just landed via Instagram:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Making waves on Telegram:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Going viral on Facebook:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Live now on Reddit:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Spotted on WeChat:

“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Funny tote bag quotes

Funny tote bag quotes bring a splash of humor to your everyday carry! 🛍️✨ Whether you’re hitting the grocery store or brunch with friends, these witty sayings turn heads and spark smiles 😄🛒. Perfect for showing off your personality while staying eco-friendly 🌿💬, a funny tote bag is the ultimate conversation starter. Ready to upgrade your accessory game with laughs and style? Let’s dive in! 🎉👜

New funny tote bag quotes 👇

All funny tote bag quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on X this month:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

46 shares on Discord this month:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

84 shares on Threads this month:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

94 shares on Discord this month:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

36 shares on Threads this month:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,563

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Breaking via WeChat:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Going bananas on Reddit:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Trending via Messenger:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Just shared via WeChat:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

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