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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Making waves on Telegram:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Going viral on Messenger:

It’s unfortunate that scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is so much more effective than mopping.

Spotted on Threads:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Trending via Snapchat:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Funny touchscreen quotes

Funny touchscreen quotes bring a smile 😄 to every tap and swipe 📱! Whether your phone has a mind of its own or your fingers just can’t keep up, these witty lines will have you laughing out loud 😂. Get ready to giggle through the glitches and celebrate the quirky side of our favorite gadgets 🤳✨!

New funny touchscreen quotes 👇

All funny touchscreen quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

36 shares on Threads this month:

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Seen just now on Slack:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Going viral on TikTok:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Just landed via Discord:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Just shared via Telegram:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Live now on Slack:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Going bananas on Slack:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Going bananas on Messenger:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Just landed via WeChat:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Seen just now on Facebook:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

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