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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

228 Funny wit quotes

Funny wit quotes celebrate the sharp, clever humor that hits you right between the eyes — and makes you laugh while you’re at it! 😏💡 From quick comebacks to brainy banter, these quotes are proof that a witty mind is the ultimate comedy weapon. Get ready for some smart laughs with serious style! 😂🧠🎯

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Posted onMay 23, 2026May 23, 2026

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Self-cleaning conscience.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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