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Commentary:
🙈 Who would have thought the ability to trust our eyes would become a vintage skill? Time to enroll in those reality-detective classes! 🕵️‍♂️✨

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

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2 months ago

away, crime, donations, holiday, humor, i, most, pot, running, Santa, theft, wonderful, year
Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

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2 months ago

cast, empowerment, gender, giant, humor, man, men, only, pit, power, right, sarcasm, serpent, smile, tell, thing, us, venomous, venomous serpent, want, woman, women
I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

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2 months ago

aggressive, awkwardness, communication, creepy, humor, i, nothing, please, relationship, respond
As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

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2 months ago

accomplishment, awake, baby, first year, humor, just, life, much, parent, parenting, year
I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

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4 months ago

child, debt, family, finance, humor, i, joke, love, me, money, parenting, parents, pay, spending, world
I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

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2 months ago

existential, humor, humor quote, just, life, point, self-deprecation, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

10 shares on Threads this month:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

59 shares on X this month:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Live now on YouTube:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Live now on Slack:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Spotted on X:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Trending via Reddit:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Just shared via Telegram:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Just landed via Threads:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨