Commentary:
I need a version of Twitter that understands I’m in a committed relationship with my tweets—stop playing hard to get! 😅🕵️♂️📱
Funny timeline quotes
Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?
Commentary:
Fold laundry on the timeline? I thought Twitter was more like a public therapy session 🍿🧺 #LaundryDay #Confessions
Nothing you want to do has a timeline.
Commentary:
Time called. It wants its deadlines back! ⏰😅
Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”
Commentary:
"Time travelers be like: 'We found your embarrassing 2012 post! 😅🤦♂️ #DigitalArchaeology #BraceForImpact'"
A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.
Commentary:
Looks like the new dating strategy is📱: skip the DMs and turn your scroll into a flirt fest! Who knew a little timeline banter could outshine secret messages? 😂💬🔥 #PublicPlayer
Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?
Commentary:
"Oh, dear Brits and their unique currency lingo – quite baffling, isn't it? 🇬🇧🦑 But hey, can we all agree that squids & halfpennies should definitely be the new standard units of measurement? 🦑💸 #LostInTranslation"
I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.
Commentary:
🙈 Who would have thought the ability to trust our eyes would become a vintage skill? Time to enroll in those reality-detective classes! 🕵️♂️✨