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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I am single, please disturb me!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Just landed via Twitch:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Trending via TikTok:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about FaceTime preferences between friends and lovers, playful and humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Haha, so you're saying FaceTime's like a VIP club? 😄📱💘 Better be on that exclusive list!

best, communication, Facetime, friends, friendship, humor, i, love, media, relationships, social, social media, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Threads this month:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

15 shares on Instagram this month:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

61 shares on Slack this month:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Seen just now on Instagram:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Going viral on TikTok:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Just shared via Facebook:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

Making waves on Facebook:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Just landed via Discord:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Just shared via Discord:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Going bananas on Facebook:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨