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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Making waves on Slack:

Being strange is exhausting.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Trending via Discord:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Live now on X:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Trending via Slack:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why settle for drama-free diamonds when the thrill of human misery adds that extra je ne sais quoi? 😂💎🔍

actually, behavior, better, cheaper, consumer, consumer behavior, crazy, diamond, diamonds, ethics, grow, humor, irony, people, price, quality, real, real diamond, special, still, suffering, synthetic, synthetic diamond, thanks, thing, value

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

0

2 months ago

charger, connection, frustration, humor, phone, relationship, situationship, sometimes, technology, works
Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

0

2 months ago

animals, crab, curiosity, fish, fly, funny question, humor, perspective, question, think, thought, underwater
Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

0

11 hours ago

close, couple, death, enjoy, irony, life, retirement, scam, time, work, working
If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

0

2 months ago

actually, creature, humor, joke, mythical, mythical creature, pun, realize, supernatural, transformation, unawarewolf, werewolf
My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, me, parents, practice, raise, rude, sarcasm, upbringing, wit
A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

0

2 months ago

end, fundraising, humor, hunger, irony, jar, media, satire, social, social media, swear, swear jar, Twitter, world, world hunger

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on TikTok this month:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

29 shares on Discord this month:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

52 shares on X this month:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Going viral on Twitch:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Seen just now on Reddit:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Just shared via Facebook:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Seen just now on X:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Just shared via Telegram:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Just landed via Instagram:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Trending via WeChat:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨