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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,887

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Spotted on YouTube:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Live now on TikTok:

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

Spotted on Facebook:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Just shared via Pinterest:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you just unlocked the secret to achieving inner peace! 😂🤐🙏

again, attitude, breakup, communication, conversation, going, gratitude, humor, i, interaction, me, never, relationship, response, right, sarcasm, say, social, social interaction, someone, talk, thank, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

0

2 months ago

am, biweekly, biweekly pay, cooking, DIY, financial, financial struggle, food, humor, i, paper, paper towel, pay, quesadilla, second, struggle, today, towel, week
One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

0

5 months ago

brain, break, distraction, humor, just, mental, mental break, off switch, procrastination, switch
And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

0

5 months ago

digital, digital file, file, grandchild, grandchildren, humor, i, inheritance, leave, PDF, procrastination, unread
Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

0

5 months ago

bakery, calling, crepe, dough, food, food joke, humor, joke, opening, pun, weird
It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

0

2 months ago

again, doing, experience, family, humor, memory, never, think, travel, vacation
I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

0

1 hour ago

abyss, adventure, around, evening, exploring, humor, i, routine, start, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Messenger this month:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

77 shares on X this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Just shared via Threads:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Going bananas on Slack:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Spotted on Facebook:

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Seen just now on Discord:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Just shared via Threads:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨