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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,958

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,958

Updated

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Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Just landed via Slack:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Spotted on X:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Reported on Reddit:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Going viral on Twitch:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

1 day ago

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Commentary:
Looks like they've mastered the ancient art of "Silent Marital Telepathy" 😂🤐💑

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

If I climbed all the way to the top of Mount Everest and looked up, then I’d finally see the top of our family’s weekly laundry pile.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Broadcasted on YouTube:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Live now on WhatsApp:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Breaking via X:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Spotted on Discord:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Live now on Messenger:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

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After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

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After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

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