Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,226

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Making waves on Threads:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Live now on Twitch:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Shared recently on Discord:

My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

Trending via WeChat:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Freshly posted on X:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Counting sheep and doing nothing takes planning! 🐑📅 Let me pencil that in! 😆

ahead, anywhere, change, change of plan, doing, doing nothing, enjoy, event, humor, i, invitation, invite, know, last, last minute, me, minute, need, needs, nothing, plan, preparation, procrastination, social, social event, spontaneity, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

0

3 months ago

address, different, email, email address, experience, frustration, irritation, technology, technology frustration, TV, type, typing, user, user experience
I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

0

2 months ago

consider, dark, dark web, engine, Google, Google result, humor, i, internet, internet humor, joke, online, online joke, page, result, results, search, search engine, second, web, web page
Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

0

2 months ago

behavior, good, good behavior, humor, just, new, new start, recommend, recommendation, someone, start
Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

0

2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, day, eye, hear, humor, i, left, second, struggle
I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad luck, belief, humor, irony, luck, superstitious
I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

0

2 months ago

connection, dog, dogs, emotion, every, eyes, hugging, i, leaking, lean, love, me, pet, start, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish I had a friend like me.

49 shares on X this month:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

58 shares on X this month:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

Spotted on Discord:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Breaking via X:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Just landed via TikTok:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Breaking via Slack:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

Just landed via Facebook:

By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨