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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,613

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Broadcasted on Slack:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Spotted on Instagram:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Spotted on Messenger:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Making waves on WeChat:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Freshly posted on X:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Trending via Threads:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Breaking via X:

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about husbands and purses, highlighting humorous misunderstandings and everyday humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like he's on a purse quest—treasure chest and all! 👜😂🏴‍☠️

accessory, ask, bring, doubt, every, hell, humor, husband, i, lol, man, me, men, misunderstanding, purse, relationship, scary, something, time, whole, why, women

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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Slack this month:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Overthinkaholic!

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

75 shares on Slack this month:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

69 shares on Discord this month:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Just shared via Twitch:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Just landed via TikTok:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Trending via Reddit:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Making waves on Threads:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

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Activity Log ✨

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨