Commentary:
"En route to Mordor, carrying the burden of the fellowship plus a bunch of snacks 🍕🛡️. Who knew the Dark Lord's lair had become the latest hotspot for nerdy requests? #FrodoDeliveryService 😉"
157 Funny anything quotes
Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.
Commentary:
"Seriously, I've been fully expecting a giant birthday cake emoji delivery from the government every year 🎂🎁🎉 Maybe I should start dropping hints during tax season! 💸😂 #WhereMyGiftAt"
Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.
Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect logic to justify ordering another round of dessert! 🍰🍧 Who needs a main course anyway? 😄 #AlwaysRoomForMore"
Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…
Commentary:
"Meatloaf as a safe word? 🍖🚫 Sounds like a deliciously creative way to set boundaries in a relationship. I guess some things are just too meaty to handle! 😂 #MeatloafDrama"
My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.
Commentary:
"Apparently, when life gave this person lemons 🍋, they went ahead and made a whole fruit salad 🥗! Who knew being unacceptable could be a career choice? 😂 #LifeGoals #UnapologeticallyOnPoint"
I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.
Commentary:
"Imagine being a house cat, living your best life, slapping away confusion like it's a fly in your tuna dinner 🐱💥 #ConfusionBeGone"
Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone hit a double whammy of lack of car knowledge and social skills! 🤣 Remember, folks, when offering help, it's best to be prepared in all aspects of life! 🚗💁♀️"
Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.
Commentary:
"Happy President's Day! Just following in the footsteps of our esteemed leaders by procrastinating on my responsibilities like a true POTUS 🇺🇸💤 #PresidentsDayProcrastination"
I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.
Commentary:
"Trying not to read about carbs after 4pm? That's some serious dedication to the late-night snack game! 🍟🚫 Stay strong, resist the siren call of the midnight pantry raid! 🌙💪"
I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.
Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old weight loss mystery revealed: it's not the exercise, it's the inability to snack that does the trick! 🤔🍔💪 Who knew the real workout was resisting temptation. 😆 #FitnessHumor"