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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Making waves on Facebook:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Just landed via YouTube:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Spotted on Slack:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Trending via Reddit:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Making waves on Twitch:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Funny avoiding people quotes

Funny avoiding people quotes are the perfect way to laugh at those moments when you just want to disappear into your cozy corner 🛋️😅. Whether you’re dodging awkward convos or just craving some solo time, these witty lines capture the art of avoidance with a smile 😎🚪. Ready to embrace your inner introvert and master the escape game? Let the chuckles begin! 😂🎭

New funny avoiding people quotes 👇

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

4 weeks ago

anxiety, avoid, avoiding, avoiding people, awkward, awkward moment, conversation, ever, humor, interaction, middle, moment, people, social, social anxiety, social interaction, why
I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

4 weeks ago

avoiding, avoiding people, comfort, comfort zone, exactly, home, humor, i, introvert, people, solitude, want, where, zone
I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

4 weeks ago

avoiding, avoiding people, happiness, happy, happy life, having, humor, introvert, life, people, secret, solitude, think
“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

1 month ago

anyone, anywhere, avoiding, avoiding people, distancing, eyes, great, home, humor, i, introvert, money, open, people, saving, saving money, social, social distancing, staying, staying home

All funny avoiding people quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Discord this month:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

85 shares on Instagram this month:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

There is a special place reserved in hell for website designers who disable cut and paste in password fields.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Live now on Facebook:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Spotted on Slack:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Just landed via Messenger:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Just landed via Instagram:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Seen just now on Reddit:

My favorite animal is me when my feelings are hurt.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

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