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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I’m bored, but not read a book for fun bored.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Spotted on Facebook:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Making waves on Snapchat:

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Making waves on Reddit:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

Just landed via Telegram:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Live now on Telegram:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Just landed via Instagram:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Spreading quickly via X:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Going viral on Discord:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Trending via Pinterest:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Seen just now on X:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Shared recently on Discord:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Just shared via TikTok:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

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