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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Going viral on Messenger:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Gaslighting myself into thinking I’m in a good mood.

Just shared via Facebook:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Freshly posted on X:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Funny celibacy quotes

Funny celibacy quotes bring a hilarious twist to the single life journey 😂✨ Whether you’re proudly flying solo or just taking a break, these witty lines add humor and lightness to staying celibate 😎💬 Get ready to laugh, relate, and maybe even find some cheeky motivation to enjoy your own company! 🎉💖 #SingleAndHappy #CelibacyWithASmile

New funny celibacy quotes 👇

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

0

3 weeks ago

beautiful, being, celibacy, dating, due, existence, forced, frustration, horny, humor, lack, life, living, man, me, men, modern, modern life, woman, women, world, worthy, worthy man
This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

0

2 months ago

celibacy, dating, easy, generation, humor, man, men, relationship, woman, women
At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

0

2 months ago

blorange, celibacy, colors, gurple, humor, i, imagination, know, mantis, mantis shrimp, point, same, sarcasm, shrimp, vivid, vivid imagination

All funny celibacy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on TikTok this month:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

70 shares on Discord this month:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

33 shares on X this month:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,431

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Broadcasted on Slack:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Making waves on YouTube:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Shared recently on YouTube:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Shared recently on Threads:

Your opinions are not my business.

Breaking via X:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴