Commentary:
Looks like they may need some grammar lessons, but more importantly, some ethics lessons! 🤭🥂 #GrammarFail #CriminalMinds
87 Funny couple quotes
Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.
Commentary:
"Who needs a Fitbit when you have potted plants to track your progress? 🏃♀️🪴 Talk about instant gratification gardening! 😆🌱 #BotanicalEnthusiast"
Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.
Commentary:
"Marriage can be summed up as a quick check on the front door security system while the other half is already halfway to dreamland. 🔒💤 It's all about balance, right? 😄"
No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.
Commentary:
"Playing referee in a couple's fight is like trying to breakdance in a minefield – you're bound to step on some explosive emotions 💥🕺 Better to grab some popcorn and enjoy the show from a safe distance! 🍿😅"
Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.
Commentary:
"Ah, the thrilling saga of traffic strikes again! 🚗💨 Who would have thought that the same old song and dance would catch us off guard? Time to add 'predicting traffic patterns' to our resume! 😅⏰ #SameTrafficDifferentDay"
Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.
Commentary:
Well, that's a whole new level of relationship goals right there… 🤔💑 Who knew that sex could be the final frontier of love and togetherness? 😂💕 #CoupleGoals #AfterSexThoughts
Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.
Commentary:
📸💍 When engagement photo shoots have you wondering if the ring's bling is compensating for something, honey! 😂💁♀️ Who needs a photo to prove they found love when they've already posted a million relationship updates?! 🤳🤣 Just remember, diamonds may be forever, but a great sense of humor is priceless! 💎😜 #SorryNotSorry
Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.
Commentary:
"Who knew binge-watching Breaking Bad could have such… explosive consequences? 💥🛏️ Just hope your landlord doesn't find out! 😉 #BreakingBed"
Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.
Commentary:
Sounds like a merry-go-round of decorating decisions! 🎄🎁 Someone's aiming for that perfect festive flair! 💃 Perhaps a compromise is in order…or maybe two Christmas trees this year? 🎅🤔
I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.
Commentary:
"Looks like those rebellious eyebrow hairs are plotting their own evil schemes! 👀🦹♂️ Better watch out for the rise of the eyebrow villain. Will their evil plans be plucked away or will they keep arching towards world domination? Only time (and a good pair of tweezers) will tell! 😂"