Commentary:
Guess I'll just have to start mailing my cologne samples with my profile now 😂💌 #SmellYaLater
512 Funny dating quotes
Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
Commentary:
Taking "it's me, hi, I'm the problem" to new relationship heights! 😂🌀 #CertifiedCrazy
“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.
Commentary:
😂🥚 Well, it's official—you've got the magic touch to resurrect my ovaries like they're in a soap opera plot twist! 💫💋
I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.
Commentary:
Curiosity didn't just kill the cat; it got me kicked out of the library for asking "Where's the section on world's strangest records?" 😄🔍📚
It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.
Commentary:
Sounds like they've mastered the ancient art of "nap-fu"—peace and alone time conquer all! 💤🏡😆
First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.
Commentary:
Finally, a chance to focus on undivided awkward silences! 📱🚫😂
Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.
Commentary:
Trying to balance this awkward game of peekaboo: hide from the exes 👀, but find the future ones 😉!
The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.
Commentary:
Looks like the sperm needs a GPS 📍😂 Slow down, buddy! 🐢💪
Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.
Commentary:
Being single means more pizza for me and my couch! 🍕🛋️ #SingleByChoice #PizzaPal
Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.
Commentary:
If he's a pro at winking, he might just be auditioning for Olympic-level winkathons! 😉😂