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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Just landed via WeChat:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Going viral on TikTok:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Just landed via Twitch:

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Making waves on YouTube:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Making waves on Threads:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

Are you a software update, because not now!

3 weeks ago

dating, humor, not now, procrastination, software, software update, technology, update
I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

3 weeks ago

admiration, attention, dating, humor, i, love, me, meme, need, passion, relationship, someone
Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

3 weeks ago

blocked, dating, dorito, humor, me, neato, pringle, quirkiness, relationship, single, someone
Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

3 weeks ago

dating, deserve, DM, less, me, sarcasm, self-worth
Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

3 weeks ago

dating, expectations, humor, man, nobody, relationship, stress, woman
I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

3 weeks ago

dating, flirt, humor, i, insult, interaction, sarcasm, skills, social, social skills, wit
If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

3 weeks ago

advice, dating, humor, keep, loyal, loyal woman, man, relationship, reply, trying, woman, women
What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

3 weeks ago

activity, catfishing, dating, humor, idiot, mat, play, Tinder
Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

3 weeks ago

date, dating, hot, hot one, humor, me, perks, relationship, self-confidence
Don’t study, get slutty!

3 weeks ago

advice, dating, fun, humor, party, slutty, study, youth

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All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Messenger this month:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

App idea: couples upload their arguments. The internet votes on who was right.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Going viral on YouTube:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Trending via Facebook:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Just landed via Instagram:

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Making waves on Telegram:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Breaking via Twitch:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Live now on Slack:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨