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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Shared recently on Facebook:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Seen just now on Slack:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Just shared via Facebook:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Just shared via Reddit:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Going viral on WeChat:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Trending via Slack:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Making waves on YouTube:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Funny employed quotes

Funny employed quotes bring a hilarious twist to everyday work life 😂💼 Whether you’re stuck in meetings, battling deadlines, or just surviving Monday blues, these witty gems add a splash of humor to your 9-to-5 grind 🎉💻 Get ready to laugh, relate, and maybe even share with your coworkers for that perfect office vibe boost! 😄🙌 #WorkLaughs #OfficeHumor

New funny employed quotes 👇

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

15 hours ago

balance, employed, employment, health, humor, mental, mental health, personality, unhinged, work life, work-life balance
I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

2 months ago

being, born, employed, employment, existential, humor, humor quote, i, job, life, recommend, sarcasm, unemployed, unemployment, work
I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

2 months ago

afford, cutbacks, employed, employment, financial, financial struggle, hire, humor, i, irony, job, job market, market, me, money, right, self, self employment, self-employed, struggle, thinking

All funny employed quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

11 shares on Discord this month:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

15 shares on Facebook this month:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m lacking vitamin c-ash.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I like you. It just means that I’m not rude.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Shared recently on Slack:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Live now on WeChat:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Going viral on Twitch:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Spotted on Messenger:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Just shared via YouTube:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

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