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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2539 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,701

Funny Quotes Topics

15,361

Funny Quotes Images

12,701

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,466

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Trending via LinkedIn:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Going viral on Pinterest:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Just shared via Messenger:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

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13 Funny hospital quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2539 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,701

Funny Quotes Topics

15,361

Funny Quotes Images

12,701

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Just shared via YouTube:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Making waves on YouTube:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Going viral on Threads:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Reported on WhatsApp:

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Trending via Twitch:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

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